#meet them where they are
As the head custodian of an average size elementary school I had many opportunities to witness many acts of random kindness. Staff to student, student to staff, staff to staff, they happened right before my eyes each and every day. Watching a staff member as they sat on the floor and comforted a student who wasn't having a particularly good day was common place. Witnessing a staff member listening intently to the concerns of another staff member as they sat around a table in the break room. Watching as a shy first grader delivered four wilting dandelions to their teacher following recess and saying those four words that can melt the heart of any teacher, "These are for you!". Simple acts of random kindness, shown in simple ways, were the heartbeat of the school I served. And, yet, as I replay these fond memories in my mind's eye I have come to the realization that each event had a similarity to it, a commonality that bound them together. Each teacher who comforted, each co-worker who listened intently, each student who gave a precious token of gratitude all shared one thing... they met the other person where they were. Each smile, each hug, each listening ear was given free of judgement and without an expectation of anything given in return.
It's hard sometimes to meet people where they are in life, especially in a school setting. Stressors are already at such a high level it is difficult to set aside our own feelings and judgements regarding another's individual circumstances to be able to truly listen to, or empathize with, them. Many times interactions are clouded with preconceived ideas that make us unable to hear what another is truly saying, "What are you complaining about? I have 30 kids in my class, you only have 23!", or "I don't know why you can't behave, everyone else is?". These responses are common in school settings and, truthfully, understandable. The problem with these types of interactions is that they are based on the speaker's feelings at that particular moment without regard for the receiver's circumstances.
Let me explain what I mean. I am very fond of a quote that reads, "The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about." Simply put, every single day I interacted with staff and students with very little knowledge of what was going on in their personal lives. Were they struggling in their marriage? Were their parents abusing them? Were any of them struggling financially, spiritually, emotionally? I had no way of knowing and so my interactions with them were never based on knowledge of their emotional state at the time, but rather mine. A bad day for me could easily and unknowingly translate into a bad day for them. The only way I would ever know how they were feeling was to ask them. Only then would I be able to meet them where they were and provide an ear for listening or a word of encouragement.
Meeting people where they are in life requires work. Its success presupposes that you have taken time to evaluate and familiarize yourself with their circumstances. I believe interactions between all people would be greatly enhanced if we only took the time to truly understand the struggles of others. Random acts of kindness would be less random and more specific. An encouraging word would be spoken with a different message and a listening ear would be tuned to a more specific frequency if we knew where people were coming from instead of us trying to direct them to where we thought they should be going.
I truly believe that joys would be doubled and sorrows would be halved in our homes, our workplaces, and in our daily lives, if we, simply, took the time to meet people where they are and not where we want them to be. This takes time. Time to listen and time to understand. So whether it be a staff member, a student, a co-worker, a family member, or, yes, even a janitor, take the time needed in cultivating relationships so that you can meet people where they are. I think you will find that meeting people where they are makes it a lot easier to help them to get to where they want to be.
Until next time.
Derek
#meetthemwheretheyare