I Am Third 

03/02/2022

self·ish/ˈselfiSH/adjective

  1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure."I joined them for selfish reasons"

Selfish, that was the perfect adjective to describe the way I was feeling.  I only felt it for a moment but there was no doubt, in that moment, I was thinking only about myself.  

One of the great things about being a janitor at an elementary school is that you have the opportunity to interact with so many students.  The students at my school saw me numerous times a day.  Usually, I was cleaning, taking out the trash, cleaning up vomit, or fixing something that was broken. But even as I was engaged in those, seemingly mundane, tasks I had the opportunity to talk with and interact with every student.  They knew me as Mr. Derek.  I enjoyed all of "my students".  Yet, one student, we will call her Cindy, was special to me.  

Cindy was a special needs student.  She had a husky voice that she could, and would, raise and lower according to the level of degree in which she wanted something.  And over time it became apparent that Cindy wanted to see me.  And so, from time to time, Cindy would alter her behavior in a way that assured that I would have to make a visit to her classroom.  She would deliberately make messes that I would have to be called upon to clean up.   And every time I would enter her classroom she would say in her deep husky voice,  "Miiisssttteeerrr  Deeerrreeekkk".  It seemed like a totally inappropriate way in which a child should address an adult.  But, Cindy was special, and her affection for me was special.  It became quite the joke between me and the staff.  However, her negative behavior to get my attention continued.  And so it was decided, in order to redirect her behavior, that I would no longer respond.  It was hard not acknowledging her in the hallway or seeing her smile as I walked into her classroom. I even started to miss that husky voice calling out Miiisssttteeerrr Deeerrreeekkk! And for one short moment in time I felt selfish.  I didn't want to stop greeting her in the hallway.  I wanted to see her smiling face in the classroom. But I knew I had to place her success above my own feelings.  Cindy didn't return to my school the next year.  I hope she is doing well and is growing into a fine young lady.

We've all experienced it , haven't we?  Selfishness. Whether in our personal or professional lives.  We take a situation that demands a sacrifice of our own wants and needs and we refuse to bend or bow down to what might be best for another individual or group.  We want it our way so that we can stay comfortable or happy, never taking into consideration the happiness or success of others around us.  

Selfishness is a base emotion.  We see it in our very young and it is a tough emotion to grow out of. But what if we could?  What if we could change our thinking, our priorities, our wants and needs, wishes and desires, to take into consideration, first, others, and, secondly, ourselves?  There was a movement in the church 20 years ago that focused on this statement, "I Am Third".   Its idea was to remind us that, in our lives, God is first, my family is second, and I am third.  It challenged us to put the needs of others, when possible, above our own needs.  It didn't promote some off balanced martyr syndrome.  And, in no way, am I encouraging you to jeopardize your own self care simply so others can be cared for. I'm also not saying that you should give everything you have to others leaving nothing for yourself. What I am encouraging us to do is to change our perspective. Selfishness can't convince us that life is a zero sum game where we live or die by the statement, "if someone else is succeeding then I am failing."  We must, somehow, cultivate our thinking so that the empathy we feel for others is at least equal to the sympathy we feel for ourselves.  Quite simply, it's about considering other people's feelings. Maybe we need more of that today.  Maybe our society, schools, workplaces, and homes could use a healthy dose of I Am Third.  We have become too selfish and it has disconnected us.

So I encourage you think about the needs of others at least as much as you think about your own.  Make it a priority to be a part of someone else's success story.  It took one special needs student to show me that being third isn't a bad place to be.  What will it take for you to realize the same thing?


The What If? Project
All rights reserved 2023
Powered by Webnode
Create your website for free! This website was made with Webnode. Create your own for free today! Get started